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Saturday, February 12, 2005

gah, i dunno wad to sae now. ok, 1st things 1st, i got abt $100 frm ang baos, which is quite bad, but there's sumone frm church hu gave out $10 ang baos, my sis n i was wondering if the person took out a wrong pack of ang baos, n mom said tt she muz be in 'pain' (xin tong) if she did, but it all the better 4 us i guz.

later, i got scolded 4 not helping my father wf sumthing, then she scolded 4 me not wanting to learn how to do sum computer stuff, like y the hell would i wan to learn sumthing i haf no use for? like wad e hell? n every time its me getting scolded, nv my bro or sis, i dun get it, if i dun noe how to do it, n my bro does, and he's home, y e bloody hell r u asking me?? i dunno then i dunno ah, scold me 4 wad?!? every single time, ok, every single time, my bro is the comp genius and they keep asking me, then I get scolded 4 not knowing? wtf!!! i dun get them, n i swear every time i get scolded its either my bro or my father's fault, my curse is men, they r totally irresponsible, insensitive, irritatingly insistent, idiotic, assholic, stupid, are a defect of impurity and a shameful infection of failure to the female kind.

on a lighter note, i juz found out that there's a punching bag avaliable at $1 at tampines, so now i could go sumwhere to punch out my frustration instead of bottling it up, then mb i wouldnt cry at every scolding session. i get this temptation to kill myself every time i get scolded, i nv understand y, u can hit and beat me but u can hurt me more by scolding me, psychological hurt. i rmb there's one time i locked myself in my rm and fell asleep, then my mom woke me up wf a bucket of water, she asked me y i didn open the door, n i said tt i was asleep, she said i was lying, when i was telling the truth, then she started scolding me again, it wasn even my bloody fault! it was sis k? she pissed me off. i was abt 8 or 9. so i locked myself in. then i realised i was beaten b4 e water dump, apparently i slept through it n she was pissed off, sadistic bitch.

the gd news, they will be gone 4 9 daes, returning nxt sun. bad news, there's sch starting mon. im juz wishing that i culd get my results soon, then i culd get more settled.

went out wf e usual gang again todae, then they left 4 the movie constantine n i went home. im still mourning the fact that sy didn get her hp frm the arcade, one square!! its such a pity.. then kh got 79 combos ( frm wad i rmb) 4 e drum thing, which is super kool, n sy got over a hundred 4 e kiddies one, kh didn do well on tt one, e 'adults' one is better 4 her i guz, i prefer e adult one aneway, e songs nicer, then there's no blasting guns beside the adult drums set.

i haf tons of hw, and i hate jc. Junior College SUCK!




Drifting
by Kit McCallum
I sometimes find I'm drifting
Through this life without effect;
I often wonder if I'm truly
Worth what I've been blessed.
I search through days that have been hard,
To try to understand,
The many trials that I have known,
The life that I have had.
You see me in my daily grind,
So confident and strong;
Yet when I am alone, I question
Just where I belong.
I often try too hard I find,
To analyze and guess,
To scrutinize, investigate
My life I will confess.
For somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
Give a reason for this strife.
Is there some hidden meaning?
Some agenda to be found?
A greater purpose waiting
If I care to hang around?
It teases and it taunts me,
Always slightly out of sight;
A hazy vision out of reach,
Where darkness hides the light.
I struggle to bring clarity
To what awaits me there,
And yet this weak illusion
Always fades before my stare.
It seems the harder that I try,
To focus through the haze,
Just serves to add more questions,
Through my endless, tired gaze.
Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in store?
Each incident, each moment passed,
Just adds upon the next,
But in the end, will I find truth ...
Or will I be perplexed?
Perhaps I make it harder
Than it has to be sometimes,
But will my searching bring to me
My meaning over time?
Or will it leave me broken,
And confused as I feel now,
While questions bring no solitude,
To this, my wrinkled brow.

`Name
x 8:59 PM